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  • Writer's pictureMichelle Starr

Cookie monster found forest bathing in 105 degrees. Who's cooking eggs on the sidewalk?

It's hot out, like I’m self-aware enough to know I say that frequently, but dang its hot. It’s so hot I couldn’t believe I found cookie monster forest bathing and for some reason the hotter it gets the more I hear my grandma Marge southern redneck voice cracking jokes. Now my grandparents were not from Florida, but they grew up in the south. One of the most memorable things I can hear her saying in her deep southern accent is “Jells’ you better not, ya’s gettn too big for them britches” One of her favorite jokes about the heat was, it’s so hot you could fry an egg on a sidewalk. Now most of my childhood she lived in Lake Havasu, and I tried that fry an egg on a sidewalk thing many times. The Arizona desert is about 120 degrees during the summer months, and I did slowly cook a few of those eggs, not in the sense that they were edible or cook. I honestly don’t even fully remember how the eggs reacted on the asphalt, but I do remember all the jokes about it being a dry heat.

Florida is a subtropical climate so it's not a dry heat. It's a wet, very wet heat. Typically, during the summer months which is also the wet season it's about 90 degrees with a heat index of 105 and a 70% chance of rain all day every day, but who knows when that 70% is going to equate to rain. This rainy season has been quite dry compared to the last few which has been beneficial for the water quality in the Gasparilla Sound. The sound is not looking brown like most years at this time, and we have not had a harmful algae bloom. In fact, last year at this time, we were closed due to k. Brevis, a harmful algae bloom. Rather than Aaron and I mowing lawns in the heat of summer we are enjoying the water and I am going to share some southern heat jokes.

You won’t find a Jacuzzi in Florida, because if a Floridian wanted to suffocate themselves in hot steam they would just walk outside.

It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up

It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.

It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.

It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass. t’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them. It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.

September in Florida is not the month for cooling temps, the rain is our only hope. It's also been a quiet storm season, knock on driftwood. Soon fall will come, Florida’s fall is much later than the rest of the country, but I know I sure am looking forward to hoodies and pumpkin spice weather. Well fine, its already pumpkin spice time and my Halloween decorations are going up. Judge as you please.

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